Alright, so I lied when I said that I would regularly be updating this blog. Life got crazy again. Anyway, the blog is back again, but this time with a purpose: to spread the word about three great TV shows in danger of cancellation from the big, bad networks. These three shows are very different, but they also have a lot in common. One is an action-drama, another is an action-comedy, and the third is really in a category undefined. But all three are sophomore shows, back for a second season after abrupt ends due to the writer's strike. All three shows are tremendously original, a traditional TV kiss of death in the world of CSI: Branson. All three saw their ratings plummet following long hiatuses after shortened fall seasons (as long as ten months). All three need saving, so I'll be annoying everyone I know into watching these shows until their ratings are safe, first of all by posting profiles for all three on a blog that no one reads.
A great site for monitoring the status of your favorite shows.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
Thoughts on the Lost Finale
The remarkable journey of Desmond Hume (right) comes to a close.SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers within...blah blah blah....if you're not caught up on Lost, don't read this.
I have to admit, as the two hours of There's No Place Like Home (Parts 2 and 3) finished, I found myself a bit disappointed. Was I on the edge of my seat literally the whole time? Sure. Were some pivotal questions in the show's mythology finally answered? Absolutely. In the end, though, it is difficult to top the shock at the end of last year's Through the Looking Glass, where the surprise ending revealed a paradigm shift in the show's storytelling with the introduction of flash-forwards. But as I looked back on this episode, I've realized that this season's finale is truly great as well, but for very different reasons.
What is accomplished very well in this episode is the cohesive completion for Season 4's story on the island. However, with the knowledge of the Oceanic Six already given to us by the flash-forwards, it was exciting to find out how they managed to get off the island, and why only those six. The Six started the episode completely separated from each other, but found themselves together through events culminating with Sawyer's dramatic leap from the helicopter and Jin's even more dramatic "death" (back to that in a bit).
While the Oceanic Six getting off the island was clearly a big moment in the Lost story, it was cheapened by the fact we already knew it would happen. Not to disappoint us, though, we got an equally big moment (by my estimation) in the surprise reunion of Desmond and Penelope. Desmond, who quickly became my favorite character after his introduction in Season Two, is Lost's resident time-traveling Odysseus, and although there have only been three "Desmond episodes," his are clearly some of the show's best. The love story of Desmond and Penelope is one of the best on television, as exemplified by this season's creative, emotional, powerfully-acted Desmond episode The Constant. One worry that I have is the potential of this being the end for Desmond on Lost. It does feel poetic to end his story after his reunion with Penny, and Jack's goodbye to him with Desmond's classic line, "I'll see you in another life, brother." perfectly mirrors our introduction to Desmond in Season Two. Being that he is my favorite character, however, I am hoping that Charles Widmore being such a fixture on the show now means that we will see more Desmond and Penelope in the future.
I always liked the character of Micheal on the show and I was very happy when they brought him back. His stay appears to have been short-lived, unfortunately. Christian Shepherd appearing to him, presumably speaking for the island, with the message "You can go now." can certainly be interpreted in multiple ways, but the most obvious one is that the island will finally allow him to die. This interpretation was confirmed by actor Harold Perrineau's recent comments, expressing his disappointment at the outcome for Michael and Walt. While I did feel that Michael was underused in his return, this was a fitting end for his character. In order to redeem himself for the murders of Libby and Ana Lucia committed during Season Two, he saved the Oceanic Six and allowed them to get off the island. Michael's goodbye to Jin was an emotional end to a great friendship. That brings me to another point. There is about a 99.9% chance that Jin is still alive. You just don't shoot that scene where Michael sacrifices himself so that Jin can live, and then have Jin die in the explosion. That is just bad storytelling.
There were still other things great about this episode. Sayid's fight was Keamy was not only a big fanboy moment, but was also choreographed, shot, and executed well enough to be in a movie. The entire Orchid station was very cool-looking artistically, especially the crazy ice cave complete with an ancient-looking wooden wheel to move the island. The whole scene strikes as ridiculous, but in a good way. I seriously expected Ben to find the cave full of polar bears. Wouldn't that explain a lot? Plus, time-travel has officially been introduced into the Lost world, though it's still too early to tell how this will play into the story's burning questions. Finally, Keamy's triumphant return felt straight out of an 80's action movie, and I'm sure everyone watching had that same "You've got to be kidding me" moment.
For me, the flash-forwards were the most disappointing part of the episode. The transition between the "Previously on Lost" showing Jack and Kate at the end of the last year's finale to her stopping the car and backing up for the beginning of this year's finale was simply awesome. It instantly made me excited about the rest of the episode. Plus, we immediately found out who was in the obituary, but, in that typical Lost way, it was a name we didn't recognize. The rest of the flash-forwards were not nearly as interesting and almost felt like filler. All we really learned was that Jeremy Bentham visited the majority (if not all) of the Oceanic Six, as well as Walt, who it was really nice to see again. Having Ben come and talk to Jack in the final scene was a good choice because of the two actor's chemistry, even if the purpose was mainly for some expository dialogue. Finally it was revealed that John Locke was in the coffin and the setup for next season was made when Ben tells Jack they must "all" go back to the island (does this include Desmond? Lapidus? Walt?). Personally, I thought it had grown more obvious as the season went along that it was Locke in the coffin. It was easy after the Season Three finale to narrow the potentials down to Michael, Sawyer, and Locke. As the season went along, Michael and Sawyer's fates became much clearer, and so it almost had to be Locke. In fact, I thought Ben's conversation with Jack before the big reveal completely confirmed it. However, all the Lost fans watching the finale with me were blown away with surprise, so maybe I've just gotten accustomed to the show's narrative patterns.
The big question left for me is how next season's episodes will be structured. It seems inevitable that a new paradigm in the storytelling will be required. The popular theory seems to be that the main story on the show will now come from the lives of Jack and the rest of the Oceanic Six from the point in time after we see Locke in the coffin, with the story focused on convincing everyone and finding a way to go back to the island. The story of what has happened to Locke, Sawyer, Juliet and everyone else on the island in the three years since the island moved would then be told in flashbacks. It would seem difficult to craft episodes in this style in the single-person focused way they have in the past, which would make it a very different show. I suppose we'll find out in January, which is (only) seven months away. I can't wait.
I have to admit, as the two hours of There's No Place Like Home (Parts 2 and 3) finished, I found myself a bit disappointed. Was I on the edge of my seat literally the whole time? Sure. Were some pivotal questions in the show's mythology finally answered? Absolutely. In the end, though, it is difficult to top the shock at the end of last year's Through the Looking Glass, where the surprise ending revealed a paradigm shift in the show's storytelling with the introduction of flash-forwards. But as I looked back on this episode, I've realized that this season's finale is truly great as well, but for very different reasons.
What is accomplished very well in this episode is the cohesive completion for Season 4's story on the island. However, with the knowledge of the Oceanic Six already given to us by the flash-forwards, it was exciting to find out how they managed to get off the island, and why only those six. The Six started the episode completely separated from each other, but found themselves together through events culminating with Sawyer's dramatic leap from the helicopter and Jin's even more dramatic "death" (back to that in a bit).
While the Oceanic Six getting off the island was clearly a big moment in the Lost story, it was cheapened by the fact we already knew it would happen. Not to disappoint us, though, we got an equally big moment (by my estimation) in the surprise reunion of Desmond and Penelope. Desmond, who quickly became my favorite character after his introduction in Season Two, is Lost's resident time-traveling Odysseus, and although there have only been three "Desmond episodes," his are clearly some of the show's best. The love story of Desmond and Penelope is one of the best on television, as exemplified by this season's creative, emotional, powerfully-acted Desmond episode The Constant. One worry that I have is the potential of this being the end for Desmond on Lost. It does feel poetic to end his story after his reunion with Penny, and Jack's goodbye to him with Desmond's classic line, "I'll see you in another life, brother." perfectly mirrors our introduction to Desmond in Season Two. Being that he is my favorite character, however, I am hoping that Charles Widmore being such a fixture on the show now means that we will see more Desmond and Penelope in the future.
I always liked the character of Micheal on the show and I was very happy when they brought him back. His stay appears to have been short-lived, unfortunately. Christian Shepherd appearing to him, presumably speaking for the island, with the message "You can go now." can certainly be interpreted in multiple ways, but the most obvious one is that the island will finally allow him to die. This interpretation was confirmed by actor Harold Perrineau's recent comments, expressing his disappointment at the outcome for Michael and Walt. While I did feel that Michael was underused in his return, this was a fitting end for his character. In order to redeem himself for the murders of Libby and Ana Lucia committed during Season Two, he saved the Oceanic Six and allowed them to get off the island. Michael's goodbye to Jin was an emotional end to a great friendship. That brings me to another point. There is about a 99.9% chance that Jin is still alive. You just don't shoot that scene where Michael sacrifices himself so that Jin can live, and then have Jin die in the explosion. That is just bad storytelling.
There were still other things great about this episode. Sayid's fight was Keamy was not only a big fanboy moment, but was also choreographed, shot, and executed well enough to be in a movie. The entire Orchid station was very cool-looking artistically, especially the crazy ice cave complete with an ancient-looking wooden wheel to move the island. The whole scene strikes as ridiculous, but in a good way. I seriously expected Ben to find the cave full of polar bears. Wouldn't that explain a lot? Plus, time-travel has officially been introduced into the Lost world, though it's still too early to tell how this will play into the story's burning questions. Finally, Keamy's triumphant return felt straight out of an 80's action movie, and I'm sure everyone watching had that same "You've got to be kidding me" moment.
For me, the flash-forwards were the most disappointing part of the episode. The transition between the "Previously on Lost" showing Jack and Kate at the end of the last year's finale to her stopping the car and backing up for the beginning of this year's finale was simply awesome. It instantly made me excited about the rest of the episode. Plus, we immediately found out who was in the obituary, but, in that typical Lost way, it was a name we didn't recognize. The rest of the flash-forwards were not nearly as interesting and almost felt like filler. All we really learned was that Jeremy Bentham visited the majority (if not all) of the Oceanic Six, as well as Walt, who it was really nice to see again. Having Ben come and talk to Jack in the final scene was a good choice because of the two actor's chemistry, even if the purpose was mainly for some expository dialogue. Finally it was revealed that John Locke was in the coffin and the setup for next season was made when Ben tells Jack they must "all" go back to the island (does this include Desmond? Lapidus? Walt?). Personally, I thought it had grown more obvious as the season went along that it was Locke in the coffin. It was easy after the Season Three finale to narrow the potentials down to Michael, Sawyer, and Locke. As the season went along, Michael and Sawyer's fates became much clearer, and so it almost had to be Locke. In fact, I thought Ben's conversation with Jack before the big reveal completely confirmed it. However, all the Lost fans watching the finale with me were blown away with surprise, so maybe I've just gotten accustomed to the show's narrative patterns.
The big question left for me is how next season's episodes will be structured. It seems inevitable that a new paradigm in the storytelling will be required. The popular theory seems to be that the main story on the show will now come from the lives of Jack and the rest of the Oceanic Six from the point in time after we see Locke in the coffin, with the story focused on convincing everyone and finding a way to go back to the island. The story of what has happened to Locke, Sawyer, Juliet and everyone else on the island in the three years since the island moved would then be told in flashbacks. It would seem difficult to craft episodes in this style in the single-person focused way they have in the past, which would make it a very different show. I suppose we'll find out in January, which is (only) seven months away. I can't wait.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #1
1. Butters' Very Own Episode (Episode 514, Original Air Date: 12/12/2001)
"Everyone knows it's Butters!" "That's me!"
"Everyone knows it's Butters!" "That's me!"Plot Synopsis: Butters' mother snaps and tries to kill her son after the revelation that her husband frequents gay bathhouses.
Why This Episode is Great: Because Butters is awesome. Butters appears in the classroom as early as Season One, but it's not until Season Three's Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub that the character was really born. Two seasons later, Butters had become so popular with Parker and Stone that he was given entirely his own episode, complete with its own, hilariously upbeat introduction. This cheerful introduction, complete with the jingle quoted above, is called back throughout the episode, as Butters' situation falls farther and farther into chaos. It is Butters' innate positivity and naivete that really sells this episode. Despite the events witnessed at the White Swallow Bathhouse, it never crosses Butters' mind that his dad might be gay. When his mom tries to kill him by driving him into a lake, Butters remains completely oblivious. The B-story to Butters' journey involves his parents trying to cover up the murder, meeting fellow "innocent victims" the Ramsey's, O.J. Simpson, and Gary Condit. This story works well, but is well overshadowed by Butters' story. When the truth comes crashing down on Butters at the end of the episode, his reaction, along with those of the boys in their only appearance, is classic. This is South Park at its very, very best.
Why This Episode is Great: Because Butters is awesome. Butters appears in the classroom as early as Season One, but it's not until Season Three's Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub that the character was really born. Two seasons later, Butters had become so popular with Parker and Stone that he was given entirely his own episode, complete with its own, hilariously upbeat introduction. This cheerful introduction, complete with the jingle quoted above, is called back throughout the episode, as Butters' situation falls farther and farther into chaos. It is Butters' innate positivity and naivete that really sells this episode. Despite the events witnessed at the White Swallow Bathhouse, it never crosses Butters' mind that his dad might be gay. When his mom tries to kill him by driving him into a lake, Butters remains completely oblivious. The B-story to Butters' journey involves his parents trying to cover up the murder, meeting fellow "innocent victims" the Ramsey's, O.J. Simpson, and Gary Condit. This story works well, but is well overshadowed by Butters' story. When the truth comes crashing down on Butters at the end of the episode, his reaction, along with those of the boys in their only appearance, is classic. This is South Park at its very, very best.
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #2
2. The Death Camp of Tolerance (Episode 614, Original Air Date: 11/20/2002)
Lemmiwinks meets the Sparrow Prince.
Lemmiwinks meets the Sparrow Prince.Plot Synopsis: When Mr. Garrison learns about discrimination lawsuits, he hires a new teaching assistant named Mr. Slave and tries everything to get fired for being gay. When the students complain, they are sent to sensitivity training. Meanwhile, a gerbil named Lemmiwinks navigates his way through the perilous world of Mr. Slave's body.
Why This Episode is Great: This episode has everything. Commonly referred to as "The Lemmiwinks Episode", The Death Camp of Tolerance owns a secure place at the top of the South Park canon. While it's easy to remember the hilariously random exploits of Lemmiwinks meeting not only the Sparrow Prince, but also the Frog King and the Catatafish, there is much more to this story. The episode preaches a simple message of the difference between tolerance and acceptance, but it is presented fabulously well (pardon the pun) through the outrageous actions of Mr. Garrison. People forget that this episode is also the original introduction of Mr. Slave, probably the best regular character added to the show since Butters in Season 3. Also packed into this episode is a visit for the boys to the title camp, a horrible concentration camp for diversity that throws a lot of quick but effective gags in between updates on Lemmiwinks' quest. This episode is filled to the brim with hilarious content at all sides, while still effectively presenting their message.
Why This Episode is Great: This episode has everything. Commonly referred to as "The Lemmiwinks Episode", The Death Camp of Tolerance owns a secure place at the top of the South Park canon. While it's easy to remember the hilariously random exploits of Lemmiwinks meeting not only the Sparrow Prince, but also the Frog King and the Catatafish, there is much more to this story. The episode preaches a simple message of the difference between tolerance and acceptance, but it is presented fabulously well (pardon the pun) through the outrageous actions of Mr. Garrison. People forget that this episode is also the original introduction of Mr. Slave, probably the best regular character added to the show since Butters in Season 3. Also packed into this episode is a visit for the boys to the title camp, a horrible concentration camp for diversity that throws a lot of quick but effective gags in between updates on Lemmiwinks' quest. This episode is filled to the brim with hilarious content at all sides, while still effectively presenting their message.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #3
3. Scott Tenorman Must Die (Episode 501, Original Air Date: 7/11/2001)
"Na na na na na na, I made you eat your parents!"
"Na na na na na na, I made you eat your parents!"Plot Synopsis: When a young boy makes the transition to manhood, he is blessed with certain physical attributes. In Cartman's case, he gets pubes. After the other boys tell him that pubes don't count unless you grow your own, Cartman realizes he's been tricked. When Scott Tenorman won't give him his money back, Cartman goes medieval on him. Radiohead guest stars and plays a role in Cartman's elaborate plan for revenge.
Why This Episode is Great: For so many reasons. For one, this episode represents the first and still the most shocking example of the depths of evil inside Eric Cartman. The episode does at great job of setting up Cartman to lose, as he is tricked by eighth grader Scott Tenorman again and again. It even seems that Scott has foiled Cartman's ultimate plan for revenge up until the very end, when with a classic bait-and-switch Cartman's real plan is actually revealed. As Stan says in summary, "Dude, remind me never to piss Cartman off ever again."
Why This Episode is Great: For so many reasons. For one, this episode represents the first and still the most shocking example of the depths of evil inside Eric Cartman. The episode does at great job of setting up Cartman to lose, as he is tricked by eighth grader Scott Tenorman again and again. It even seems that Scott has foiled Cartman's ultimate plan for revenge up until the very end, when with a classic bait-and-switch Cartman's real plan is actually revealed. As Stan says in summary, "Dude, remind me never to piss Cartman off ever again."
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #4
4. Casa Bonita (Episode 711, Original Air Date: 11/12/2003)
Cartman will do anything to go to Casa Bonita. Anything.
Cartman will do anything to go to Casa Bonita. Anything.Plot Synopsis: Kyle's parents are taking him and three of his friends to Casa Bonita for his birthday. Kyle chooses Stan, Kenny, and Butters to celebrate with him at Colorado's version of a Mexican Disneyland. When Cartman finds out he's not invited, he arranges for Butters to conveniently go "missing."
Why This Episode is Great: Casa Bonita consistently appears in every discussion for the greatest South Park episode. At some point during the course of the show, Matt Stone and and Trey Parker realized that when Butters and Cartman are put together, hilarity ensues. Casa Bonita is the pinnacle of this kind of thinking. In order to prevent Butters from fulfilling his obligation in Kyle's birthday party at Casa Bonita, Cartman convinces Butters that an asteroid is about to hit the earth, and forces him to hide underground. What happens next is a hilarious sequence of Cartman trying to keep Butters assured that the world has ended, complete with a blind trip through post-apocalyptic South Park. Cartman eventually gets his come-uppance at Casa Bonita itself, but the ride through this episode is better than anything the theme park can offer.
Why This Episode is Great: Casa Bonita consistently appears in every discussion for the greatest South Park episode. At some point during the course of the show, Matt Stone and and Trey Parker realized that when Butters and Cartman are put together, hilarity ensues. Casa Bonita is the pinnacle of this kind of thinking. In order to prevent Butters from fulfilling his obligation in Kyle's birthday party at Casa Bonita, Cartman convinces Butters that an asteroid is about to hit the earth, and forces him to hide underground. What happens next is a hilarious sequence of Cartman trying to keep Butters assured that the world has ended, complete with a blind trip through post-apocalyptic South Park. Cartman eventually gets his come-uppance at Casa Bonita itself, but the ride through this episode is better than anything the theme park can offer.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #5
5. Child Abduction is Not Funny (Episode 611, Original Air Date: 7/24/2002)
"Goddamn Mongolians, stop tearing down my shitty wall!"
"Goddamn Mongolians, stop tearing down my shitty wall!"Plot Synopsis: In an effort to protect their children from kidnappers, the parents of South Park hire the owner and operator of the local City Wok to build a Great Wall around the city.
Why This Episode is Great: Ah, racial stereotypes. South Park has a wonderful way of lovingly embracing them. This episode introduced the world to the "Shitty" Wok guy, who probably has a Chinese name that no one knows and few can pronounce. When he's not serving "shitty" beef and "shitty" chicken from his restaurant, he is building the town's new "shitty" wall to protect South Park not only from potential child abductors, but also those "goddamn Mongolians!" For all of its years, this is without a doubt my most quoted South Park episode (The Loch Ness Monster speeches in #8 The Succubus come in a close second). This also happens to be a great Tweek episode, one of those wonderful, long-lost South Park characters who no longer appear in the recent episodes. Who wouldn't have been duped by "The Ghost of Human Kindness"? This episode is easily deserving of its Top 5 status.
Why This Episode is Great: Ah, racial stereotypes. South Park has a wonderful way of lovingly embracing them. This episode introduced the world to the "Shitty" Wok guy, who probably has a Chinese name that no one knows and few can pronounce. When he's not serving "shitty" beef and "shitty" chicken from his restaurant, he is building the town's new "shitty" wall to protect South Park not only from potential child abductors, but also those "goddamn Mongolians!" For all of its years, this is without a doubt my most quoted South Park episode (The Loch Ness Monster speeches in #8 The Succubus come in a close second). This also happens to be a great Tweek episode, one of those wonderful, long-lost South Park characters who no longer appear in the recent episodes. Who wouldn't have been duped by "The Ghost of Human Kindness"? This episode is easily deserving of its Top 5 status.
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #6
6. Woodland Critter Christmas (Episode 814, Original Air Date: 12/15/2004)
The most disturbing South Park of all time?
The most disturbing South Park of all time?Plot Synopsis: Stan is approached by a group of adorable woodland critters and asked to help them build a manger in anticipation of the birth of their Lord and Savior. Stan complies, only to find out that they serve Satan.
Why This Episode is Great: For the reveal pictured above. This episode, masked as a all-too-familiar type of Christmas special, saves the revelation that the cute little critters are actually evil minions of Satan until the first act break, complete with the live sacrifice of "Rabbity" and a nice woodland blood orgy. At first watch, this was probably the most hilarious single moment in South Park history. I distinctly remember my mouth being held agape for the entire commercial break. Fortunately, the outrageous moments don't stop there, and soon we're teaching mountain lion cubs how to perform an abortion so they can D&C the anti-christ out of poor "heathen Jew" Kyle's ass. I'm offended in multiple ways just typing that.
Why This Episode is Great: For the reveal pictured above. This episode, masked as a all-too-familiar type of Christmas special, saves the revelation that the cute little critters are actually evil minions of Satan until the first act break, complete with the live sacrifice of "Rabbity" and a nice woodland blood orgy. At first watch, this was probably the most hilarious single moment in South Park history. I distinctly remember my mouth being held agape for the entire commercial break. Fortunately, the outrageous moments don't stop there, and soon we're teaching mountain lion cubs how to perform an abortion so they can D&C the anti-christ out of poor "heathen Jew" Kyle's ass. I'm offended in multiple ways just typing that.
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #7
7. Red Hot Catholic Love (Episode 608, Original Air Date: 7/3/2002)
"All hail the great Queen Spider"
"All hail the great Queen Spider"Plot Synopsis: A sexual-abuse scandal involving priests hits South Park, and is taken all the way to the Vatican. In absolutely no connection, Cartman craps out of his mouth.
Why This Episode is Great: The Catholic sexual abuse scandal quickly became an easy target, but South Park seemed to tackle it more outrageously than anyone else. Father Maxi's exasperating quest begins when he discovers he is the only priest that doesn't have sex with young boys and brings him all the way to the Vatican where he meets the Gelgemecs ("The Gelgemec vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor sharp teeth!") and, of course, the mighty Queen Spider (above). That's not even mentioning the B-story, where Cartman discovers that through a feat of reverse digestion, if you shove food up your ass, you crap out your mouth. What makes this episode special is the way both storylines are tied together in the end with the kind of blunt, yet poignant message that South Park has become known for. Oh, and you get to see Martha Stewart shove a whole turkey up her ass. That's pretty special too.
Why This Episode is Great: The Catholic sexual abuse scandal quickly became an easy target, but South Park seemed to tackle it more outrageously than anyone else. Father Maxi's exasperating quest begins when he discovers he is the only priest that doesn't have sex with young boys and brings him all the way to the Vatican where he meets the Gelgemecs ("The Gelgemec vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor sharp teeth!") and, of course, the mighty Queen Spider (above). That's not even mentioning the B-story, where Cartman discovers that through a feat of reverse digestion, if you shove food up your ass, you crap out your mouth. What makes this episode special is the way both storylines are tied together in the end with the kind of blunt, yet poignant message that South Park has become known for. Oh, and you get to see Martha Stewart shove a whole turkey up her ass. That's pretty special too.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #8
8. The Succubus (Episode 303, Original Air Date: 4/21/1999)
"I ain't giving you no three-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster!"
"I ain't giving you no three-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness Monster!"Plot Synopsis: It's wedding bells for Chef! He has finally found the girl of his dreams. But the boys feel like they've lost their best friend. The festivities begin as Chef's parents arrive from Scotland fresh from an encounter with the Loch Ness Monster.
Why This Episode is Great: For one big reason: Chef's parents. The Loch Ness Monster stories were side-splittingly hilarious back in 1999, and still so almost 10 years later. But there are many other great things about this episode: Cartman's visits to the eye doctor ("There's my little piggy..."), the one-episode-and-done replacement chef Mr. Durp, and the boys staying up all night learning "Morning After" backwards. It is the oldest episode on this list, and the one that made me realize how much I love this show.
Why This Episode is Great: For one big reason: Chef's parents. The Loch Ness Monster stories were side-splittingly hilarious back in 1999, and still so almost 10 years later. But there are many other great things about this episode: Cartman's visits to the eye doctor ("There's my little piggy..."), the one-episode-and-done replacement chef Mr. Durp, and the boys staying up all night learning "Morning After" backwards. It is the oldest episode on this list, and the one that made me realize how much I love this show.
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #9
9. Fat Butt and Pancake Head (Episode 705, Original Air Date: 4/16/2003)
Cartman, the lengths to which you will go...
Cartman, the lengths to which you will go...Plot Synopsis: One of Cartman's body parts becomes famous overnight and rivals the opularity of another superstar. The real "Jenny from the Block" is enraged to learn that a new "Diva" has stolen her record deal and her boyfriend. Taco kisses!
Why This Episode is Great: This episode is the first of several examples on this list of the depths of Cartman's insanity. It all starts with the completely ridiculous concept that Cartman's hand is Jennifer Lopez. I'll let that sink in for a second. But soon Cartman's spicy, taco-loving Ms. Lopez has a new hit album and is fellating (sort of?) Ben Affleck. By the end of the episode, not only does Kyle begin to question whether Cartman is faking, but you likely are as well. Finally, the surprise payoff at the end of the episode is classic Cartman. Another great episode.
Why This Episode is Great: This episode is the first of several examples on this list of the depths of Cartman's insanity. It all starts with the completely ridiculous concept that Cartman's hand is Jennifer Lopez. I'll let that sink in for a second. But soon Cartman's spicy, taco-loving Ms. Lopez has a new hit album and is fellating (sort of?) Ben Affleck. By the end of the episode, not only does Kyle begin to question whether Cartman is faking, but you likely are as well. Finally, the surprise payoff at the end of the episode is classic Cartman. Another great episode.
Walker's Top 10 Favorite South Park Episodes, #10
Is South Park my favorite TV show of all time? Probably. It is certainly the show that I have watched for the longest with the most consistency. Lately I've been throwing around that such-and-such episode is in my "Top 5" or "Top 10" or "Top 3", but I've never bothered to compile the list. It was much harder than I imagined. It started with a "short" list of 20 episodes (out of the total 174 and counting) that I considered top-tier, that I slowly had to whittle down to 10. Without further ado...
Poor Token can't stand being the only rich person in South Park...
10. Here Comes the Neighborhood (Episode 512, Original Air Date: 11/28/2001)
Plot Synopsis: Token is being picked on for being the oly rich kid in town. Feeling like an outcase, Token succeeds in attracting several other wealthy people to South Park. Meanwhile, the townspeople, fearing that their little hamlet is rapidly going up the drain, attempt to run the new residents out of town.
Why This Episode is Great: Matt Stone and Trey Parker have gone on record saying they don't understand why people think this episode is so clever and funny. The truth is that tackling race in comedy is often so taboo that even a mechanic as simple as substituting "black" with "rich" in Token's plight comes off as edgier likely than they believe. Not to mention the ways in which they correlating the story to racism are completely hilarious. "Let's go burn a lower-case T in their front yard to tell those Richers it's "time to go," says Mr. Garrison. And of course, when Will Smith opens the door and sees the burning lower-case T on his lawn, he responds naturally saying "A lower-case T! That means it's time to go!" Absolutely hilarious, even if not particularly "clever."
Poor Token can't stand being the only rich person in South Park...Plot Synopsis: Token is being picked on for being the oly rich kid in town. Feeling like an outcase, Token succeeds in attracting several other wealthy people to South Park. Meanwhile, the townspeople, fearing that their little hamlet is rapidly going up the drain, attempt to run the new residents out of town.
Why This Episode is Great: Matt Stone and Trey Parker have gone on record saying they don't understand why people think this episode is so clever and funny. The truth is that tackling race in comedy is often so taboo that even a mechanic as simple as substituting "black" with "rich" in Token's plight comes off as edgier likely than they believe. Not to mention the ways in which they correlating the story to racism are completely hilarious. "Let's go burn a lower-case T in their front yard to tell those Richers it's "time to go," says Mr. Garrison. And of course, when Will Smith opens the door and sees the burning lower-case T on his lawn, he responds naturally saying "A lower-case T! That means it's time to go!" Absolutely hilarious, even if not particularly "clever."
The Blog is BACK
After a year long hiatus, I believe that I am ready to contribute regularly to this blog again. However, the content will be somewhat different from here in. Firstly, I am not nearly egotistical enough to believe that anyone gives one hot shit about the banalities of my every day life. However, I am enough of an egotistical jackass to believe that some people might be interested in my opinions. Thus, subsequent entries will be filled with opinions about anything I care about, namely movies, TV, video games, politics, religion, philosophy, etc. Expect many reviews and Top 10 lists in the future. Get excited, people.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Miracle Quiz: Elijah, Elisha, or Jesus?
Hello, everyone, and welcome to America's hot new game show, "Name That Miracle". I'm your host, Walker Brooks, and today we will tour some of the major miracles of Judaism and Christianity. You all know how this works: for today's category, I'll give you a miracle, and you have to tell me who performed it. It's quite simple, folks. (Oh, and if you want to know the answer, just highlight below the question. Piece of cake.) You guys ready? Then let's get on with the show!
Today's Category: Elijah, Elisha, or Jesus?
Q1: Who turned water into wine?
A: Jesus, obviously. An easy one for you guys to start off with. When the wedding ran out of wine, Jesus changed the water into wine. Curiously, this miracle is only described in the highly dubious Gospel of John (John 2: 1-11)
Q2: Who allowed a widow and her infant son to eat for many days off of a single bin of flour?
A: Elijah. The widow took Elijah in despite having very little food left for herself and her son. But she and her family were able to eat for many days on just a single bin of flour (1 Kings 17: 13-16).
Q3: Who fed over 100 men using only 20 loaves of bread?
A: Elisha. It's easy to think of Jesus here; Jesus fed 5000 men with a few fish and a few loaves of bread (Matt. 14: 13-21). Elisha fed the 100 men with the 20 loaves of bread with some left over (2 Kings 4: 42-44).
Q4: Who exorcised a demon from a possessed boy?
A: Jesus. Jesus performed many, many exorcisms as part of his ministry, this being just a single example in which the demon caused a boy's epilepsy (Matt. 17: 14-21). There is very little mention of Satan and his demons in the Hebrew Scriptures, and thus Elijah and Elisha perform no exorcisms.
Q5: Who cursed a fig tree and caused it to wither and die?
A: Jesus (Matt. 21: 18-19). Jesus woke up hungry and, upon finding a fig tree, walked toward it hoping to find food. However, the tree had no fruit, to which Jesus said "Let no fruit grow on you ever again," and the tree withered and died.
Q6: Who, upon insult, summoned two female bears to maul and devour 42 children?
A: Elisha (2 Kings 2:23-25). While traveling, a group of youths mocked Elisha and called him a "baldhead" (KJV). Elisha cursed the youths, and two bears came out of the woods and mauled the youths. Nice story.
Q7: Who curses a boy for scattering the water he collected, causing the boy to "turn into a corpse."
A: Jesus. This one is slightly unfair. The source of this story is the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, not to be confused with the Gospel of Thomas. This gospel tells many stories of an adolescent Jesus who is both arrogant and sometimes even vicious. The gospel also includes a story in which Jesus curses a boy who bumps into him, and the boy dies, as well as a story in which he strikes blind the neighbors of Mary and Joseph. It is believed to have been written in the middle to late second-century AD, approximately 100 years after the death of Jesus and 50 years after the last canonical gospel, the Gospel of John, was written.
Q8: Who multiplied a single jar of oil so that a widow could sell it to pay off her debts?
A: Elisha (2 Kings 4: 1-7). A creditor was coming to take away the widow's sons as slaves to pay her debt, and Elisha told the woman to take a single jar of oil and use it to fill numerous empty vessels. She was able to sell the oil to pay off the debt.
Q9: Who cured a man of leprosy?
A: Elisha and Jesus. Elisha heals the leprosy of the commander of the army of Syria, Naaman (2 Kings 5: 13-15). Jesus healed a number of lepers in the four gospels, with one example occurring at Matt. 8: 1-4.
Q10: Who raised a child from the dead?
A: Elijah, Elisha, and Jesus. After helping a widow eat for many days on a single bin of flour, Elijah revived her infant son (1 Kings 17: 17-23). Elisha revived the son of Gehazi by laying on top of him (2 Kings 4: 32-34). Jesus raised numerous people from the dead, but in particular he raised the son of a widow with only his words (Luke 7: 11-17).
Q11: Who was carried up into heaven by a whirlwind?
A: Elijah (2 Kings 2:11). As Biblical events go, the ascension of Elijah into heaven was quite dramatic. "Then it happened, as they continued on and talked, that suddenly a chariot of fire appeared with horses of fire, and separated the two of them; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven." By contrast, the ascension of Jesus is simply stated rather than described: "So then, after the Lord had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven, and sat down at the right hand of God." (Mark 16:19). It's important to note that the ascension of Elijah is a hot topic for controversy in Christian traditions. The Gospel of John quotes Jesus as to saying that none have gone to heaven other than the Son of Man (i.e. Jesus himself). Thus, Elijah being assumed into heaven contradicts this claim as well as the theological importance of the resurrection of Jesus.
Q12: Who was resurrected from the dead.
A: Jesus (Matt. 28: 1-28 among others). Again, an easy one. It is important to note that the return of Elijah (he can't really be resurrected since he never really died) is expected to happen in many Jewish and Christian traditions. Some Jews believe that the second coming of Elijah will precede the coming of the Messiah. Many Catholic theologians think that Elijah will return to Earth to physically die as one of the two witnesses of the Book of Revelation.
That concludes our quiz. Count up your number of correct answers and place them in the following rubric:
10-12: You know your Christian New Testament as well as the Hebrew Scriptures. Good job. However, as a consequence of your scholarship comes skepticism. No doubt you've already discarded any belief in the divinity of Jesus, and have embraced either atheism, or fallen into a mixture of general monism or agnosticism.
7-9: Not a bad score. You're likely either a very devout Christian who really knows their Jesus, or a Jew who has always been aware of the similarities in these stories. Hopefully now you understand that the miracles of Jesus are not enough to distinguish him from the Old Testament prophets, and are open-minded enough to accept it.
4-6: Most likely the average score. You're probably a normal Christian who has better-than-average knowledge of the story of Jesus, but only because you're a regular at Sunday School. You find the results of this quiz slightly unnerving, but resolve to find other ways the reaffirm the divinity of Jesus outside of his miracles.
0-3: You're possibly an ignorant atheist or a follower of an eastern religion. However, most likely you're just a brainwashed Christian who was dragged to church every Sunday as a kid, conditioned into believing that everything in the Bible is true, despite the fact that you've never read more than a few pages of it. You spend most of your time judging other races, watching Nascar, and attending Bush rallies. You probably didn't finish the quiz, have already called me a heathen several times, and aren't reading these words.
Thank you for playing. Good night, everybody.
Today's Category: Elijah, Elisha, or Jesus?
Q1: Who turned water into wine?
A: Jesus, obviously. An easy one for you guys to start off with. When the wedding ran out of wine, Jesus changed the water into wine. Curiously, this miracle is only described in the highly dubious Gospel of John (John 2: 1-11)
Q2: Who allowed a widow and her infant son to eat for many days off of a single bin of flour?
A: Elijah. The widow took Elijah in despite having very little food left for herself and her son. But she and her family were able to eat for many days on just a single bin of flour (1 Kings 17: 13-16).
Q3: Who fed over 100 men using only 20 loaves of bread?
A: Elisha. It's easy to think of Jesus here; Jesus fed 5000 men with a few fish and a few loaves of bread (Matt. 14: 13-21). Elisha fed the 100 men with the 20 loaves of bread with some left over (2 Kings 4: 42-44).
Q4: Who exorcised a demon from a possessed boy?
A: Jesus. Jesus performed many, many exorcisms as part of his ministry, this being just a single example in which the demon caused a boy's epilepsy (Matt. 17: 14-21). There is very little mention of Satan and his demons in the Hebrew Scriptures, and thus Elijah and Elisha perform no exorcisms.
Q5: Who cursed a fig tree and caused it to wither and die?
A: Jesus (Matt. 21: 18-19). Jesus woke up hungry and, upon finding a fig tree, walked toward it hoping to find food. However, the tree had no fruit, to which Jesus said "Let no fruit grow on you ever again," and the tree withered and died.
Q6: Who, upon insult, summoned two female bears to maul and devour 42 children?
A: Elisha (2 Kings 2:23-25). While traveling, a group of youths mocked Elisha and called him a "baldhead" (KJV). Elisha cursed the youths, and two bears came out of the woods and mauled the youths. Nice story.
Q7: Who curses a boy for scattering the water he collected, causing the boy to "turn into a corpse."
A: Jesus. This one is slightly unfair. The source of this story is the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, not to be confused with the Gospel of Thomas. This gospel tells many stories of an adolescent Jesus who is both arrogant and sometimes even vicious. The gospel also includes a story in which Jesus curses a boy who bumps into him, and the boy dies, as well as a story in which he strikes blind the neighbors of Mary and Joseph. It is believed to have been written in the middle to late second-century AD, approximately 100 years after the death of Jesus and 50 years after the last canonical gospel, the Gospel of John, was written.
Q8: Who multiplied a single jar of oil so that a widow could sell it to pay off her debts?
A: Elisha (2 Kings 4: 1-7). A creditor was coming to take away the widow's sons as slaves to pay her debt, and Elisha told the woman to take a single jar of oil and use it to fill numerous empty vessels. She was able to sell the oil to pay off the debt.
Q9: Who cured a man of leprosy?
A: Elisha and Jesus. Elisha heals the leprosy of the commander of the army of Syria, Naaman (2 Kings 5: 13-15). Jesus healed a number of lepers in the four gospels, with one example occurring at Matt. 8: 1-4.
Q10: Who raised a child from the dead?
A: Elijah, Elisha, and Jesus. After helping a widow eat for many days on a single bin of flour, Elijah revived her infant son (1 Kings 17: 17-23). Elisha revived the son of Gehazi by laying on top of him (2 Kings 4: 32-34). Jesus raised numerous people from the dead, but in particular he raised the son of a widow with only his words (Luke 7: 11-17).
Q11: Who was carried up into heaven by a whirlwind?
A: Elijah (2 Kings 2:11). As Biblical events go, the ascension of Elijah into heaven was quite dramatic. "Then it happened, as they continued on and talked, that suddenly a chariot of fire appeared with horses of fire, and separated the two of them; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven." By contrast, the ascension of Jesus is simply stated rather than described: "So then, after the Lord had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven, and sat down at the right hand of God." (Mark 16:19). It's important to note that the ascension of Elijah is a hot topic for controversy in Christian traditions. The Gospel of John quotes Jesus as to saying that none have gone to heaven other than the Son of Man (i.e. Jesus himself). Thus, Elijah being assumed into heaven contradicts this claim as well as the theological importance of the resurrection of Jesus.
Q12: Who was resurrected from the dead.
A: Jesus (Matt. 28: 1-28 among others). Again, an easy one. It is important to note that the return of Elijah (he can't really be resurrected since he never really died) is expected to happen in many Jewish and Christian traditions. Some Jews believe that the second coming of Elijah will precede the coming of the Messiah. Many Catholic theologians think that Elijah will return to Earth to physically die as one of the two witnesses of the Book of Revelation.
That concludes our quiz. Count up your number of correct answers and place them in the following rubric:
10-12: You know your Christian New Testament as well as the Hebrew Scriptures. Good job. However, as a consequence of your scholarship comes skepticism. No doubt you've already discarded any belief in the divinity of Jesus, and have embraced either atheism, or fallen into a mixture of general monism or agnosticism.
7-9: Not a bad score. You're likely either a very devout Christian who really knows their Jesus, or a Jew who has always been aware of the similarities in these stories. Hopefully now you understand that the miracles of Jesus are not enough to distinguish him from the Old Testament prophets, and are open-minded enough to accept it.
4-6: Most likely the average score. You're probably a normal Christian who has better-than-average knowledge of the story of Jesus, but only because you're a regular at Sunday School. You find the results of this quiz slightly unnerving, but resolve to find other ways the reaffirm the divinity of Jesus outside of his miracles.
0-3: You're possibly an ignorant atheist or a follower of an eastern religion. However, most likely you're just a brainwashed Christian who was dragged to church every Sunday as a kid, conditioned into believing that everything in the Bible is true, despite the fact that you've never read more than a few pages of it. You spend most of your time judging other races, watching Nascar, and attending Bush rallies. You probably didn't finish the quiz, have already called me a heathen several times, and aren't reading these words.
Thank you for playing. Good night, everybody.
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